Fear is real and imaginary!
The other day, as I walked off the plane in New York City’s JFK airport, a strange sensation came over me.
It nearly turned my stomach. It was the fear of failure.
Back story, I managed to divert a small crisis that day with a delivery to the distillery. To be honest, I’m not really even sure it was a crisis, but it felt like one. The distillery is full of a TV set and crew filming Master Distillers. In an innocent misstep, the delivery was turned away, when in reality, had to be delivered there. The result, I had all the emotions of being covered up and at the mercy of others for help.
So here I am, running off the plane trying to make the Nashville flight out of LaGuardia (LGA), and my stomach is doing flips. Now riding in a cab in Queens, NY can turn your stomach and for good reason. It can be scary as hell! But it wasn’t that today. My head seemed to have gone haywire with a sudden fear of “Shit! How am I going to run this damn distillery?” Followed closely with “Damn It Danielle! This isn’t funny anymore. You are busy and all over the world flying. You can’t run a distillery. Can’t flying be enough? Can’t being in the Air National Guard be enough!”
Don’t you hate that inner voice that nags at you? That negative inner dialogue of self-doubt. If that inner twat had a name I think mine would go by Gladys.
Normally Gladys isn’t allowed to speak. She knows I love to reach beyond my grasp just to see if I can make it. I love to do what I’m told I can’t do. I do it for the fun of it. Because ‘they’ said I can’t. Because I like to see what I can do. I especially like turning a negative into a positive. You know, like getting my degree when some jackass boyfriend said I wasn’t smart enough to get it.
The reality is when someone says you can’t achieve something it is because they can’t and don’t want to even imagine it is achievable. If they recognize it can be done, then they might have to wonder why they aren’t doing something it themselves. The blanket excuse of “you can’t” is much easier to justify then being too whatever they are to try. I had a crewmember I flew with in the Kentucky Air National Guard tell me I couldn’t open a distillery. Wrong again clown! We opened 25 March 2022!!!
At this particular moment, I was completely overwhelmed with the big and the small. How will I make back my investment? Create a drink menu? Should I use a POS system or track inventory manually for now? Did the insurance guy get back to me with that quote for insurance? How do I want to handle job applications? Wonder how my employees will feel about my strict stance on remaining apolitical and being my representative while on the clock and in my employment? What flavor should I do next? What’s the best way to move the previous inventory? What flavors should I do next? (Repeat I know. It happens in my head too) I’m launching with 4 plus hopefully an aged whisky and a vodka if labels get approved. I would like more but if I wait till conditions are perfect then I will never get open. For the love of all that is holy, I need to get open!!! Wonder if my dogs crapped on the floor today? I hope the weather remains good enough to get outside for some exercise. Do I have food at my house? What fresh hell is next? Wouldn’t caramel be great in a cream base? Do I have time to write that recipe book? Even though I turned in examples of my trademarks in use for clothing, apparently now I need it on a label or tag. What in the actual hell does that matter? The list goes on and on.
Yes, like everyone on earth I have self-doubts and moments of fear. Luckily I have been a life-long student and have managed to learn a few tips to get me past these moments.
The first step & most important part of it is recognizing it for what it is.
It was fear mixed with anxiety because I want everything to be great! I’m also smart enough to know that ‘great’ does not mean perfect. Just like busy does not equal productive. The rational part of my brain decided to reach out to my friend, Carla, and just own up. I text her that I was experiencing fear and anxiety about getting everything done and I needed to hear everything was going to be ok. To be honest, I could have used a drink too but I was in uniform so that was out.
Damn if she wasn’t right on it! She texted me back that everything will be just fine, and she would be with me every step of the way. Sounds simple, almost silly. But her words helped. I needed some reassurance. Until I read those words, I didn’t even realize I was feeling alone at this running a distillery thingy. She was what I needed to turn my mood back to my normal I got this attitude.
Things will not always go according to plan. They rarely do, but the magic comes when you can handle it anyway.
As I made my mad dash through New York City’s LaGuardia Airport, my streak of good luck returned. I made the 4pm to Nashville getting me home earlier than I had planned. Early enough to give my dogs a bath before putting them in the car with me the next day to head to Sevierville. I was able to eat a bite of a chicken wrap my Captain had given me and get a quick nap. Ah…now I feel better.
At the moment that feeling of fear came over me it felt completely real. I had the choice of making it my reality or finding a way around it. Have you ever heard the saying that says something like “I have 100 problems in my life, 99 I created myself”? Isn’t that so true? I could have made this fear another one of my problems. Or, I could address it, grab a bite, take a snooze, and get the hell on with it.
That’s why I say it is real and imaginary. It was up to me what I do with it.
I decided to let it pass and get on with the tasks of getting shit done! It is up to you too what you do with your own fears.
SHOCKER ALERT: that former boyfriend still doesn’t have a degree. Just sayin’. I wonder what he thinks of me becoming an airline pilot. Scratch that, I actually don’t give a shit what he thinks.
